Bored with the Lord?

My 4-year-old daughter has temper tantrums in the middle of church, usually during the quietest part of the service. I'm a single mom and really have no one to leave her with, and I would like her to be in church with me. Any ideas? I'm mortified.

Understanding the Challenge

It's important to understand that it is nearly impossible for a four-year-old to sit still and remain quiet for an entire hour during a church service. It's completely unrealistic to expect her to do so, and it's not surprising if she's bored. Please don't feel "mortified"; your child's behavior is perfectly natural.

Addressing the Lack of Child-Friendly Options

I'm curious why your church doesn't offer a nursery or a program for young children during the service. If other children her age are sitting quietly throughout, either there's something unusual about them, or their parents may be using harsh methods to keep them quiet.

Consider speaking with someone in authority at your church about the lack of a children's program. You could be doing a real service for other parents and children by advocating for a child-friendly program during services. I've known many adults who grew up resenting church because they were forced to sit through long services they didn't understand and were reprimanded for any noise or movement.

Exploring Alternative Solutions

If your church has other families with young children, consider putting an announcement in the bulletin and meeting with them to arrange a rotation for child-minding during the service. Alternatively, if all the parents contribute a little, you might be able to hire a teenager to look after the children, allowing everyone to attend the service peacefully.

Many churches also offer a "children's story" near the start of the service, where young children gather at the front for special attention and age-appropriate teaching. Afterward, they are usually taken to a Sunday school or child-minding area. You could suggest this to your church leaders if it isn't already in place.

Bringing Entertainment and Finding Compromise

If these options aren't possible, consider bringing several of your daughter's favorite books so she can look at pictures and recall familiar stories. You could also pack crayons and a coloring book. However, don't expect these to keep her occupied for the entire hour.

You might also choose to sit near the door and identify a portion of the service during which you can walk around or play outside with your daughter, returning after she has released some energy. You can reward her for being relatively still for short intervals, such as 20 minutes at a time.

Considering Other Churches

If none of these strategies work, ask yourself if you are truly committed to this particular church. Many churches offer programs for young children outside the sanctuary during the service. Some even have special seating areas for parents with young children, with soundproof barriers and sound piped in, so parents can listen to the sermon without worrying about their children's noise disturbing others. You might want to call a few churches in your area to see if they have more accommodating options for families with young children.