Coming when called
Suggests respectful ways to manage a child's reluctance to come when called and offers strategies for improving cooperation.
I have a temperamental son who is nearly 6, and when I call him, he doesn't come or has to be told several times. What can I do to change this behavior? I'm afraid that if I don't nip it in the bud now, I'll have my hands full soon.
Understanding Your Child's Perspective
Imagine that you are reading a book or watching your favorite TV show, and suddenly your partner calls out for you to come into the kitchen. Do you immediately stop what you're doing and go, or do you feel irritated by the interruption and ask them to wait until you finish your show or chapter? Most likely, you wouldn't come running unless you felt it was urgent!
Why should we expect children to be any different? Young children, like adults, become deeply involved in their activities. Many children also struggle with transitioning from one activity to another. They get absorbed in what they are doing and don’t want to stop just because an adult in another room wants them to come immediately. This is normal behavior.
Approaching the Situation with Respect
We should treat our children with the same respect and consideration we would expect for ourselves. Here are some steps to help manage this behavior:
- Go to Where Your Child Is: Instead of calling out from another room, go to where your son is and see what he's doing. If he's playing, get his attention and explain what you want and when you need him to come. If he's watching TV, consider waiting for a commercial break before interrupting him.
- Give Plenty of Notice: Let your child know in advance when you want them to stop what they're doing. For example, say, "Dinner will be ready in 10 minutes," or "We have to leave in 15 minutes." Teach your son to tell time so he can better understand how soon he needs to start getting ready.
- Allow Time for Transitions: You likely have a sense of how long it takes your son to change clothes or use the bathroom, so give him enough notice to finish his current activity, put away his toys, and get ready for the next task. Remember, children often need more time than adults, as they are more easily distracted.
Fostering a Respectful Environment
The goal of child-rearing is to nurture a human being who is kind and respectful, not just obedient. By setting an atmosphere of respect in your home — by respecting your child’s interests and activities — your child is more likely to respect you in return.
What If Your Child Still Doesn't Come When Called?
If you’ve given plenty of notice and your son still doesn’t stop what he's doing, you might consider offering a reward, such as an extra bedtime story, for coming when asked.
If he still doesn’t cooperate and isn't dressed when it's time to leave for school, you could carry his clothes in a bag and take him in the car in his pajamas. Often, an experience like that only needs to happen once to make an impression!
