Advises against forcing a child to finish activities; encourages exploration of interests and managing expectations.
Our five-year-old son is very shy, so we were pleased when he recently decided to join a gymnastics course. At the first session, he absolutely refused to join the group. Now, five sessions later, he participates reluctantly but says he hates to go. Should I be making him "finish what he started" at such a young age? He is starting to make some headway, but I don't want him to be turned off from joining other groups.
No, you shouldn't make a five-year-old finish what he started. At his age, he is just beginning to explore what he likes and dislikes. A child becomes an individual by trying out various opportunities and discovering what they enjoy and what they are good at. Until about age ten, a child should still be exploring and have plenty of chances to be exposed to new potential interests and change their mind if they find out they do not enjoy something they have enrolled in.
Even in the teenage years and adulthood, people should not be expected to make a long-term commitment to something they are merely exploring. If you force a child to continue an activity they don't enjoy, you teach them that their feelings and preferences don't matter and that they must subdue their own feelings to fulfill a "duty" or do what others say they should. This can damage their self-esteem, independence, and ability to use their feelings as a guide to what is good and fulfilling for them.
Time feels much longer for a very young child; a six-month course can feel like an eternity. During the stage of exploring interests, courses should be brief and geared toward both the child's age and the fact that they are exploring.
How do you know what your child really likes or dislikes? Here are a few guidelines:
Keep in mind that your son's shy temperament may make it harder for him to try new things compared to other children. It may take him some time to feel comfortable in a new activity. It can help to have parents or friends present for the first few weeks to make the new situation more comfortable for him.