Food Resistant

We have a 3-year-old son who is "food resistant." He rarely seems hungry and consumes a very limited range of foods. At every meal, he asks for a cookie, as sweet foods are his strong preference. He is also a very slow eater, and we have the most success getting him to eat small portions of his meals if we continuously read to him at mealtime.

We consulted a community nutritionist who advised that "healthy children don't starve themselves." Following her advice, we’ve tried to involve our son in cooking with us, let him serve himself from communal bowls at the table, eat with him, and avoid commenting on his eating habits. Despite these efforts, we’ve had no success in increasing our son's consumption of food. He shows his dislike for foods by tipping them off his plate or throwing them, even though we’ve told him he can simply hand us the food he doesn’t want or tell us, and we’ll remove it.

How can we get him to eat more healthy food?

Understanding Picky Eating

Many children go through phases where they don't eat much. When your son enters a growth spurt, his appetite will likely increase. It’s good to know that you’re already doing a lot of the right things, particularly by not making his eating habits a major topic of discussion or comment.

However, if he’s serving himself, it’s a bit confusing why he is still throwing food off his plate. Are these foods he has chosen himself or ones that you have put on his plate? Additionally, sitting with him for a long time and reading to him to encourage him to eat may send the message that his eating is more of an issue for you than for him. The power and attention he gets around eating could actually be rewarding his behavior.

Adjusting Your Approach

You might need to take a slightly "tougher" approach, not by insisting that he eat, but by ensuring his behavior doesn’t inconvenience you. Remove the pleasurable attention he gets from your efforts to make him eat.

Here are some steps to consider:

1. Let Him Serve Himself: Continue allowing him to serve himself from a selection you provide. Don’t put anything on his plate that he hasn’t chosen. This can help him feel more in control of what he eats.
2. Set Clear Expectations: Make it clear that if he takes food, he must not throw it away. If he does throw food, calmly get him down on the floor, give him a cloth, and ask him to clean it up with your help. This teaches him that his actions have consequences.
3. Set a Time Limit: Tell him that mealtime will last for 30 minutes and show him on the clock when it will end. He can choose to stay at the table and finish his meal or leave it unfinished. If he doesn’t finish, don’t panic — he may need to experience hunger to value the food in front of him.
4. Create a Cookie Rule: Only give him a cookie after he has eaten something nutritious. Stick to this rule consistently.
5. Maintain a Calm Presence: Keep your word and, after half an hour, ask him if he wants to stay and finish or if he’s done. Then either throw his food away or leave him at the table and continue with your day. As the nutritionist said, "Healthy children don't starve themselves."

Conclusion

By setting clear boundaries and removing any extra attention around mealtimes, you may help your son develop healthier eating habits. Remember, patience is key, and consistency will help him learn to eat in a way that works for everyone at the table.