Smoking Teen

My 14-year-old son recently started smoking. When I first smelled it on him, I had a rather lengthy chat, hoping that would be the end of it. Unfortunately, it seems I was wrong. I don't want to nag him about the habit, especially since I used to smoke myself. My husband believes it's a health issue, and therefore we have the right to nag and take away his allowance until he stops. However, I'm worried that this approach will only cause him to rebel even more. Is there anything we can do to help him see sense and quit before it becomes a 'pack a day' habit?

Reflecting on Personal Experience

Think back to your own experiences: What would have worked for you? Why did you start smoking, and why did you quit? Understanding these factors can help guide your approach with your son.

Understanding Teenage Resistance

It is in the nature of teenagers to resist parental control. If you continually nag your son, he's likely to push back against whatever you suggest. Instead, try a different approach:

1. Ask and Listen: Start by asking him why he took up smoking and simply listen. Share your own experience with smoking. Is he part of a crowd where smoking is "cool" or necessary to fit in? Has he developed a habit due to exposure to second-hand smoke? Understanding his reasons can provide insight into how best to address the issue.
2. Inform Without Overloading: Your son is probably aware of the health risks, as these are often taught in school. However, in case he isn’t fully informed, you and your husband could look up reputable websites that provide information on the dangers of smoking and share them with him via email. In your message, you could promise to stop nagging if he agrees to review the information, allowing him to make an informed decision.

Rethinking the Allowance Approach

It may not be helpful to remove your son's allowance as a form of punishment. The purpose of an allowance is to help him learn to manage money. Presumably, his allowance isn't enough to buy cigarettes and still afford other activities he enjoys, like going to the movies.

• Teach Financial Consequences: By giving him a limited allowance, he will have to choose how he spends his money. If he decides to buy cigarettes, he may soon realize he doesn't have enough for other things he wants. Let him face this reality, but don't "bail him out" by giving him more money if he spends it all on cigarettes, which are quite expensive.

Understanding Teenage Experimentation

Keep in mind that this may be a phase of experimentation, which is a normal part of teenage development. It's best not to make too big a deal out of it. Instead, express confidence in his ability to make a good decision once he has all the facts. With the right information and your support, he will likely decide to stop on his own.