The Grieving Toddler

I have to leave my 18-month-old daughter for two weeks as I am going out of the country. I wanted to know if this will affect her, and if so, how much? How can I make it easier for her? Please help.

The Impact of Separation on a Young Child

Yes, this will likely affect your daughter. At 18 months, she is very young and may not fully understand your absence. Is there any way you could avoid leaving the country without her at this age? If she were three years old, it would be much easier for her to handle.

At her age, she is too young to comprehend why you are gone, and she may feel abandoned or fear that you are gone forever. If you are the most important person in her life, the loss will be significant for her.

Preparing for Your Absence

Here are some steps you can take to help minimize the impact of your absence:

1. Choose Familiar Caregivers: Make sure that her caregivers while you are away are people she is already close to, like her father or grandparents. This will provide a sense of continuity and security for her.
2. Practice Short Separations: If you have time before leaving, practice short separations. Leave her with these caregivers for short periods, including overnight stays, so she can learn that you may leave, but you always come back.
3. Explain Your Trip: Prepare her for your trip by explaining it in simple terms she can understand. You can say something like, "Mommy is going on a trip, but I will come back after many sleeps."
4. Give Her a Comfort Object: Consider giving her a special item, like a stuffed toy, to hold onto while you are away. Give it a special name and tell her it holds your love, and she can cuddle it whenever she misses you.

Preparing the Caregivers

It's important to prepare her caregivers as well:

• Discuss Potential Grief: Explain that your daughter may grieve in your absence and that they should not punish her if she becomes upset, refuses to obey, or seems distant. She is not misbehaving; she is mourning the loss of your presence.
• Count Down the Days: Encourage them to tell her each day how many "sleeps" remain until you return, like "14 more sleeps... 10 more sleeps... 5 more sleeps," and so on. This helps create a sense of time passing.

Staying Connected During Your Trip

If possible, maintain a connection with her during your trip:

• Daily Phone Calls: Call her at the same time every day so that she knows when to expect your call. She may cry when she hears your voice, but that's okay. You can reassure her by repeating how many more sleeps are left until you come back.

By taking these steps, you can help ease your daughter's anxiety and make your temporary separation less distressing for both of you.