The Morning Rush

I have a struggle with my four-year-old daughter almost every morning when it comes to getting out the door on time. I drop her off at childcare on my way to work, and I can't be late. I've tried giving her extra time, but it hasn't worked. She's perfectly happy at the babysitter's once she gets there, but this ongoing morning battle is wearing me out.

Understanding the Morning Struggle

Every parent who works outside the home faces this challenge. The problem lies in what you expect of your daughter. A four-year-old simply cannot organize herself to move as quickly and efficiently as an adult or older child. She doesn't yet have a mature understanding of time, can't remember what she has to do next, and certainly can't make a list — not on paper and not in her head.

Adjusting Your Morning Routine

Here are some steps to help make mornings smoother:

1. Get Up Earlier: Start by getting up earlier. If that means going to bed earlier, then make that adjustment. You need enough time in the morning for you and your daughter to enjoy being together without rushing or nagging on your part and resisting or whining on hers. Accept that, for several years, she will need more time in the mornings than an adult or older child.
2. Help Her Wake Up Alert: Help her become alert and energetic in the morning by giving her a glass of juice as soon as she wakes up. (This might help you too!)

Creating a Morning Checklist

When you aren't rushed, sit down with your daughter and make a "list" of everything she needs to do in the morning. Since she isn't old enough to read, use drawings or pictures to represent each task in the order they need to be completed. For example:

• Glass of juice
• Toilet
• Clothes
• Food
• Toothbrush
• Soap
• Coat

Enjoy preparing this list together. Let her do some of the drawing and coloring, or cut pictures from a magazine. You could even add checkboxes next to each item for her to mark off each day.

Guiding Her Through the Routine

Set aside plenty of time in the morning for a few days to guide her through these activities, checking the list with her each time to see what she needs to do next. Don’t nag or pressure her, but praise her each time she figures out what to do. If she gets distracted and starts to play, gently remind her to look at her list.

Kids this age enjoy our presence during their daily routines. When your daughter shows signs of mastering what she needs to do, don’t withdraw entirely and expect her to get on with it on her own. Instead, start withdrawing gradually, like stepping away for a few minutes while she dresses herself (if she can), to prepare breakfast or do another quick task.

Building a Positive Relationship Through Routine

Remember, the quality of our relationship with our children is often built during these daily routines. You may feel anxious to get going, but it's essential for your current and future relationship with your daughter that you both enjoy these moments together. Think of it as an investment in your future relationship.